Joining with The Gypsy Mama for a five minute un-edited free write about the topic of her choice:
Backwards:
I think I have a tendency to live life backwards. Recently I have realized that I spend a lot of my time looking in my rear view mirror rather than facing straight ahead. Somehow, reliving the past few years of motherhood, my teaching career pre-motherhood, my high school days and ultimately my childhood have become the focus of my inner thoughts.
Maybe it is because I am turning 39 this year. A last chance kind of birthday - a live it to the fullest year ahead - a finality of my young adulthood. Knowing that soon I will be 40 doesn't scare me or make me feel terrible as much as it has caused me to look back, to see what I have done and been and what will never be again. Never again will I be the new young mother, the blushing June bride, the youngest teacher on the teaching staff of any school. And I am really OK with that. Youth has is benefits but the wisdom of middle age far outweighs them.
So I will give myself this last thirty-something year to remember, to honor and to savor what was and cannot and should not be ever again. I will pass the torch to those ten and twenty years behind me on this journey. And when I turn 40, I will face forward, fearlessly, toward the new best years of my life.
I really needed to read this today. Today is my last day as 29 and I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed however after reading this maybe I am not overwhelmed at all - maybe I am just looking back and remembering what it was like. I am so glad I linked up after you. I truly feel like this was just for me today. Thank you! I hope your last year at 39 is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteLove this. That was me, teaching at 21. The giggly newlywed...and with three boys, and the baby is 21mo, always the mom with the new baby. This was a great perspective. I am not quite to 39...am in my mid 30s. But this is so beautiful about approaching life facing forward. It is like if we look in the rear view mirror too long we can have an accident. If we don't look long enough, we can have an accident. This post totally resonated with me.
ReplyDeleteThis really touched my heart! Much of this has been on my mind as well... I agree that I am not scared of turning 40, but that there is now a lot of things that will never be again. Bittersweet, really. And yet...I needed your perspective on looking ahead. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteI'm 39 too! I've been thinking lately about wisdom, I've been thinking about turning 40 next year and how I should embrace it, and declare myself 'wise' lol. Seriously I have learnt a little about life, myself etc. always learning though.
ReplyDeleteI love this, Misty! It's not a secret, as it's on my blog, but I just turned away from my forties and into my fifties. Sounds old, doesn't it? But as I look backwards I see what a lot of blessings I've received. And 50 is not so bad. In fact it is great!
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